An apology I really meant but won't make a difference

I am sorry that I am a person who loses interest & drifts away because of a word you said unintentionally in the middle of the conversation. 

I am sorry I always become passive and say nothing is wrong whenever i feel angry/mad/jealous or anything that will make me look vulnerable. 

I am sorry I hate your friends and everyone who gets to deal with you on a daily basis and I can’t. 

I am sorry I don’t call as much I want to call or say I love you everytime I get so overwhelmed by how much you mean to me. 

I am sorry I require too much effort and sometimes I get so hard to deal with. I am sorry that loving me is a full time job that leaves you drained most of the time. 

I am sorry I talk about nonsense with you and tweet or blog whatever the fuck I am feeling. 

I am sorry I am making you pay for the people who came before you and turned me into this worst version of me. 

I am sorry I don’t know how to say what I feel anymore but it is mostly because I don’t know how I am feeling most of the time. 

I am sorry I am always sad, distant and silent with no apparent reason. I am sorry for my double standards and blaming you for things I do myself, and mostly sorry when you say nothing and compromise for my sake. 

I am sorry for always being sorry and nothing ever changes. 

I am sorry I am not there as much as you want me to be. 

I am sorry for not being there even when I am there. 

I am sorry I always ask for more even when I know you have already tore yourself open for me. 

I am sorry I always made you feel like something is missing, when it was me who was missing all along. 

I am sorry I try to walk away every now and then because I promised myself long ago to never want anything as much as I want you, now. 

I am sorry my strength is all weakness that is breaking the both us. 

I am sorry that I don’t know if it will ever get better. 

I am sorry I am beyond repair. 

I am sorry you ended up with someone who can go from extreme happiness to crying on the bathroom floor in a blink of an eye. 

I am sorry I am too selfish to let you go so you can be with someone who can actually give you a funcional relationship. 

I am sorry I am both your dream and your nightmare. 

I am sorry I sometimes make you feel like it’s your fault or like you are not trying hard enough. You have been always perfect. It’s me. 

I am sorry for everytime I said leave me alone when my insides where screaming hug me, hug me, hug me. 

I am sorry I have made a home of you when leaving was always on my mind. 

I am sorry I am constantly losing parts of me to the nothingness that is eating me alive. 

I am sorry I am not stronger than this. 

I am sorry that I am 70% apathy not water. 

I am sorry I came into your life and messed it up this way for few moments of temporary happiness. 

And I am finally sorry, in advance, for having to walk away from your life and leave you with some memories of temporary happiness. I loved, love and will always love you, but here I am repeating the last words I tasted on my ex lovers’ lips before he walked away from me; Love is never enough.