When my first lover left, I saved all his memories on white sheets of paper, With ink and blood. When i fell in love again, I celebrated my ability to still love and be loved, With poems and hearts drawn on every notebook corner. When i walked away on someone who loved me, And broke a heart that wished me no harm, I left my guilt between the pages of a notebook, I keep hidden under my bed. It’s assuring how i always knew, That i have my writing by my side. People come and go, but their stories stay, In the third drawer of my night stand. In nights, where nostalgia feeds on my sanity, I open that drawer and read about those i miss, To remember why they left and how i shouldnot be missing them now. I read about the breaks and scars that got me here, So whenever i think my life would stop after someone leaves, My writings remind me of all the people i had to let go, And how i learnt about new ways to breathe on my own. But then i met you, And the words that have been the blanket that keeps me warm in winter, Changed to be my abstract nakedness in the middle of a snow storm, And only your arms can cover me. I am naked. I am cold and i can’t write a word, That diary i bought when i first know you, Still brand new, i don’t have the guts to let any parts of you out of me. I wake up in the middle of night, With my bones straining under the pain, Of all the poems that are aching to be written for you. How can you fill me up with all these words, Yet leave me so speechless? My fingers are all numb and tingly, Since the first day they traced the scars of the cuts, You used to do in places people can’t see, in the bathroom you locked yourself in, when your parents used to fight, So you can go out the next day wearing the fake ‘i’m fine’ smile. My hands are all shaky, Since the day you left a kiss in my left palm, And now i can only write poems, With my tongue, on the places of your body you least love. I wish i can tell you how i am still caught up in that moment, When you left all your being in a love bite on my neck, That i still press on from time to time, So the bruise would tell me it was real and it did really happen. I wish i can tell you, that, i have been a stranger since forever, And your bed is the only place i can call home. I wish i can tell you how you taught me to love something, That i can’t call mine, And reminded me how it feels like, To fear losing something i don’t even have. I wish i can tell you that in that dark room, I kissed you with my eyes open, So i can keep every moment of it, Engraved in all my senses, And the way you glowed, made it very easy. I wish i can tell you, how is, Touching you again, Is the only thing i am looking for now, And that i left my safety, Somewhere behind your ears, And i am scared shitless now. I wish i can tell you a lot of things, But my tongue can only move freely, In the corners of your mouth, So please, Have mercy on me, And tell me, what a girl that is entirely made of verbs and nouns,can do in presence of someone like you, who strips me off my entire being with half a smile?