Memoirs of a heart that is entirely made of Water

I have always been an angry lover.
Never learned how to love calmly like a river,
and let my feelings flow patiently and constantly.
My love has always been overwhelming,
obssessive, and sometimes drowning.
I am stupid like a waterfall,
I pour myself fully into the first person who gives me the slightest bit of attention,
I shower him with love, maybe too much love sometimes,
till he gets sick of the heaviness of my high expectations I throw on his shoulders,
and leaves,
or till I have nothing left to give,
and he also leaves.
I had also tried loving like tap water,
to only flow when I am asked to,
to take the shape of whatever container I am in,
have no opinion and only do as I am told,
with the name of love,
Till I realized that those who strip me of my being,
and who I am,
Those who want to control how or where I flow,
Who underestimate me because I look runny and helpless,
Who don’t know that,
With determination and steadiness I can eat and erode the rock that their hearts are made of.
Are definetely not worthy of my love.
My last love was a Sea,
it flactuated between me flowing gently and kissing his feet softly,
and carrying him to wonderlands on the stream of my passion,
And raging waves that can swallow an entire city,
push him against walls,
break his ribs, bite instead of kissing,
hurt instead of healing,
and drown instead of saving.
I was unpredictable like that.
And I loved it.
I have been trying too hard for long to tame my fickle heart,
to be gentle,
To be a river
like the one Manuel Bandeira described in his poem,
That flows,
silent through the night,
not fearing the darkness and
reflecting any stars high in the sky,
Till I realized that it was not meant to be, Girls like me were never meant to be silent,
I was way more than just a river, a sea or even a waterfall,
My presence was too much to be contained in a single word,
I was the sip of water that can save a life,
but also the storm that can take a hundred lives.
I am the rain,
The Seas,
The Oceans,
and all the rivers combined.
I am a drop of water,
I am water,
70% of this universe,
what is holding it together,
I am the origin of every origin,
I am a woman,
I create life,
I am life,
I belong to no man and no city,
I will take whatever shape I want,
And flow wherever I please,
goddamit.